Is Ok Not to Talk to Your Boyfriend Ever Again
How to Effectively Arroyo Your Partner About Human relationship Bug
June 13, 2013 • Contributed by Irene Hansen Savarese, LMFT
For couples to communicate effectively and be able to address issues together, the partners need to focus on their respective roles and responsibilities as the listening or the talking partner.
In my GoodTherapy.org article published last month, I wrote about the responsibilities of the listening partner to ensure effective communication. In this article, I volition be discussing the talking partner'south responsibilities.
Equally the talking partner, or initiator, you have several options in addressing issues. One is to attack your partner with a list of complaints in a way that shows y'all don't believe that anything will change. If this is your choice, your partner is most likely going to defend him/herself by returning burn with a similar listing of complaints or shutting down emotionally to avoid further critique and escalating disharmonize. As you lot probably have experienced, attacking your partner is not conductive to the ii of you achieving a real agreement of each other's differences.
When couples run into a pattern of attacking and/or avoiding behavior, they are reacting emotionally to each other'southward complaints and critiques. Partners often have mixed feelings of acrimony and hurt. Furthermore, they almost likely feel disrespected and mistreated by the other partner while they behave disrespectfully in turn. In this kind of vicious wheel, there is little goodwill, understanding of each other's thoughts and feelings, or willingness to talk over unlike perspectives or points of view.
I suggest that you look at another option: refusing to react emotionally, taking a proactive opinion, and preparing yourself before initiating a conversation with your partner.
Below are questions to ask yourself before you initiate a chat with your partner:
- What is most important to you? Choose one topic to talk well-nigh. Stick to your topic throughout the conversation.
- What is your intention with the chat? Exercise yous want your partner to sympathize you lot amend? Do y'all want to experience closer to your partner? Practise you want an apology? Or do you want to punish your partner? If you lot are very upset, you might want to wait until y'all have calmed yourself and thought about your intention(s).
- What is the message that you desire your partner to hear? What exercise you desire your partner to empathize about you lot?
- How exercise you lot want your partner to feel later the conversation? Do you want your partner to feel closer to you and hopeful about your hereafter together? Or do you desire your partner to experience guilty, shameful, and/or angry or injure?
- How can y'all deliver your message so that the probability of your partner actually hearing you is the highest? What would be the best way to talk about your issue?
Here are a few more than points to consider before you sit down with your partner for a conversation about what is important to you lot:
- Use "I" linguistic communication instead of "you" language. If the conversation is more than near you than your partner, it is easier for your partner to concentrate on what you are proverb.
- Don't attack your partner. Talk well-nigh how you experience and call up about your topic.
- Don't defend yourself. Talk about what is well-nigh important to you.
- Try to have five positive statements for each negative statement. Don't forget to say what you appreciate about your partner.
Basically, how exercise you want to talk about your issue? Write downwardly your points to keep your focus. Choose an advisable fourth dimension and place to present your idea in a new and more constructive way. Make certain y'all enquire your partner when a good time is for him/her to beginning. Likewise, make certain to tell your partner that you want him/her to be the initiator at a afterwards time, and that y'all are willing to actively heed to what your partner has to say.
Practicing initiating a conversation nigh an important topic tin can improve your ability to communicate effectively with your partner.
© Copyright 2013 GoodTherapy.org. All rights reserved. Permission to publish granted by Irene Hansen Savarese, LMFT
The preceding article was solely written by the author named higher up. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns well-nigh the preceding commodity can exist directed to the author or posted as a comment below.
Read More
Please fill out all required fields to submit your message.
Invalid Email Address.
Please confirm that you are man.
Leave a Comment
Source: https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/how-to-effectively-approach-your-partner-about-relationship-issues-0613135
0 Response to "Is Ok Not to Talk to Your Boyfriend Ever Again"
Post a Comment